It's A Blogiversary!
This post marks my hundredth post. One hundred times I came on here and poured my heart out. Actually, no I didn't but I tried. I use this blog for the most part to amuse myself and to mark things that I want to remember. I hope that in turn people who read it are also amused.
Here are my top 5 things that I would like to have a hundred of:
Grandma's Pickles
Episodes of Fraiser ( I used to have a crush on Niles in highschool)
Shoes
My nehpews giggle's
Massages
Here are my top 5 favorite posts:
Retraction
A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words
My Pister
If I Were To Become An Alcoholic
How I Got Melissa To Make Me Supper
Here are my top five favorite comments on my blog: (This ended up just being my most recent fav's because it was way too much work to read all the comments and someone was complaining to me today that she needs me to post something. Her name starts with a J and she wines a lot)
Chris said...
You are an amazing speller. What was wrong with that? Is amazing spelt wrong? How do you spell it?
How do you spell spelt?
Monday, December 18, 2006
joyce said...
sometimes...
if I'm bored..
I do things incognito.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Becky said...
That picture reminds me of the scene from My Best Friend's Wedding where one of the kinky bridesmaids licks the David ice sculpture and gets stuck on it... So don't do that. No licky.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Becky said...
Cause you might... Sticky.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Auntie Sue said...
A few years ago during about with the flu I forgot to take out my very loose fitting dentures when I puked. I was feeling so terrible that I didn't notice that my teeth were gone until after I flushed. They got stuck in the trap, Marv had to remove the whole toilet to get them out. Boiling water and lots of bleach and I had my smile back. I know, GROSS!!! but new dentures are about $800.00. I have since got new ones.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Toad said...
Auntie Sue you take the cake for horrible toilet story. You know what you get? A big star. Just like Becky's blog. Here you go.
*
Unless someone of course comes on with a better one. Then I will have to shamefully dethrone you in some kind of humiliating fashion. The paperazi will be there to capture it all and put it on Etalk daily.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Auntie Sue said...
And I will smile at them with my new teeth.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Carrie said...
I just remembered some things that I do... I have a certain rhythm and beat for when I brush my teeth. If I mess up and get the rhythm wrong and I end up on the wrong beat, it bugs me. And if I'm doing something that gets only one of my hands wet, I have to rub them together so they are both slightly damp. Even if there is a towel nearby. Then I toweldry them both. I think I remember that phone cord at Auntie Susan's. I did the same thing. And it's spelt nauseous.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Some Blogs That I love That You Should Read: (Family has been excluded to avoid bitter rivalry right before Christmas)
Sambot
Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper
Now we are going to touch on a very important part of my blog that I have been wanting to write about for a while:
The Site Tracker.
It consumes me. I have even gone so far into my site tracker to see the longitude and latitude of where people read from to try and guess who they are when I don't know. I check it daily. I know when someone from my old work place is on and I know when my ex's read it. Yes, that's right I know who you are! But, then there's the ones who I have no clue about. Like, Warman! Who reads my blog from Warman? It has be bothering me. I've tried to think of who you could be and I have no clue. If you are from Warman I would appreciate and "annon" comment even. Just to say hi. What is with all these unkown countries that are being listed? I have come to the conclusion that they actually don't exsist and aliens from the galaxy have taken intrest in my blog. Perhaps, they need an example of an intelletcually advanced human to study. If I were them I would look somewhere else. But, you can't argue with aliens. They know when they see a good thing.
Top 5 Locations That I Have No Clue Who They Are:
Redwater, Ontario
Warman, Sask
Grande Prairie, Alberta
Canora, Sask
Corunna, Michigan
If you read this blog and have never commented today is your day. Today, you can be heard. Do it for me. It will make me so happy.
At this moment this is the summary from my site tracker:
VISITS
Total 2,262
Average Per Day 28
Average Visit Length 1:49
Last Hour 1
Today 27
This Week 198
PAGE VIEWS
Total 3,085
Average Per Day 36
Average Per Visit 1.3
Last Hour 12
Today 45
This Week 255
I looked to see what topic I have talked about the most on my blog. Buffoonery and Vittles. A pretty good representation of what goes through my mind. Food, and goofing off. I have my priorities straight. So, this is it. I can't wait for the next 100. If anyone is wondering, the marker didn't wash off all the way and I am worried that I will have to go to work tomorrow with this faded writing on my face. See the sacrifice that I go through just for this blog? There are some things I refuse to sacrifice though. Fraiser is on, and I gotta go.
Also, for my hundredth celebration, I'm not going to let that spell checker mock me. I'm going to stare my horrible spelling and gammer in the face. I'm not going to go back and read this and I'm not going to click that horrible ABC link. So, there you go people. Enjoy. Laugh. Point fingers are your screen in awe of it. This Christmas it's my gift.
From me.
To you.
Note: Fraiser isn't on. Oh the humanity! I also ate a whole package ot tic tac while writing this post.
229 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 229 of 229Michael Flatley walks onto the abandoned stage. The seats are empty except a lone caretaker sweeping up the last of the clothing tags and ribbons.
He walks to center stage. There is no spot light. No glory.
"Where did everybody go?"
"No one even asked for my autograph"
The caretaker turns from his lonely job to look at him. We'll call him Carl.
"You suck Michael, that's why no one wants your autograph."
Michael falls to his knees in soft sobs.
"I'm finished. I will never clog again"
Carl drops his broom and walks toward Michael. Bending down, they embrace longingly. Carl’s coveralls are stained with Michaels chest grease. He gently strokes Michael’s hair. Slowly and awkwardly their eyes meet and they begin a new life together with one kiss.
I
will
honestly admit.
I did
NOT
predict
THAT
ending.
wow.
that's hot.
I cannot believe that I sat here and read all this dribble. Hilarious dribble, but still ... dribble. Congratulations, Ang. I don't think this record will ever be broken.
Thanks Donna for entertaining us all.
wow... that's a lot of comments... congrats on 100 ang... i'm currently holding at 99... i'm contemplating doing something big.. or something miniscule.... it's either going to be WHAMO, KABLAM, KUNG PAO, KAZAAM, HIYAH, BLAMO.... or else it's going to be *poof*
i don't know yet... but keep watching... it will be something
Holy crap. I also did not see that one coming. Michael Flatley and Carl. *eyes glisten with tears* Oh man... *turns away ashamedly* I told myself I wouldn't cry... *shoves fist in mouth to stifle the squeaking sobs* Wow, I didn't know that I could do that.
By the way, Donna, now you can click on my name in this comment, and you can go directly to my blog. Aren't you excited?! I know I am.
Auntie Margaret?! What about ME?! Surely I was enteraining, too. Donna wasn't doing it all. Donna gets all the credit. Maybe it's because everyone already knows me and knows I'm insane, and takes it for granted. *something changes in her eyes* You shall all take my insanity for granted... NO LONGER!!! Ah ha!!
*utters a eardrum-shatteringly high-pitched wail, obviously signalling that a kungfu buttkicking is about ensue* (yes, I like my long action comments) Hiiiiii-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! *starts moving towards Donna in a flurry of fists and feet and headbutts* Waaaaa-kachaaa-wataatatatatatatataaaa-yakaaa!
*dropkicks an unexpected Donna in the teeth* I am the champion!! *raises arms in triumph*
*cue We Are The Champions by Queen*
*music stops suddenly*
*looks to see Mother Teresa entering*
Oh my daughter, what have you done? Can you not see? Violence is not the answer.
*comes out of the kung fu trance to see Donna laying on the floor, teeth strewn around her unconscious body* What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Please tell me, Mother... what is the answer?
Oh, but I believe that you already know. You do not need me to tell you. I think if you look deep in yourself, you will see that you have always known.
*smiles knowingly and quietly walks off*
*stops crying for a moment, deep in thought*
The answer is... the answer is... How can I figure out the answer, I'm not good at math!!
*cries uncontrollably*
Just to clear something up, I AM good at math, that just seemed to fit well.
*goes home to cry in bed, clasping arms around herself in a hug and nearly drowning in tear-soaked pillow*
I'm so alone. I've killed her. What have I done?!
I'm alone AND I'm bad at math. I have nothing left...
... except this jar of Cheez Whiz. *strokes jar lovingly* You've always been there for me, haven't you? Always Cheezy, always Whizy, and you don't go bad. The perfect union of cheese and plastic. But as good as you are, little Whizy, it may not be enough for me to keep on going.
Perhaps if I go to sleep, things will look better in the morning.
*curls up into the fetal position, holding jar of Cheez Whiz close to chest, and drifts off into a fitful sleep wrought with flights of fancy and nightmares and puppies eating butterflies*
*and butterflies eating puppies smothered in Cheez Whiz*
But the dreams do not stop there.
Oh yes, Mother Teresa is now the narrator.
First, auntie Margaret, I believe the word you wanted was drivel, not dribble, though your was pretty funny. Carrie, the blog address didn't show on that comment, for some reason.
Sorry, I'm trying to point the focus away from this mind searing, heart breaking pain that my loving husband would actually call me a trollop.
Un-freaking-believable.
WHAT THE HECK?! Stupid blogger. Okay, we'll just go like this:
Click here!
Okay, wait!! Don't click there, the link didn't work... again! Trying again... I think that blogger is being retarded.
Okay, click this one.
You know, Melanie, there is a simple answer to this question; a quick and easy way to cause him searing, gut-wrenching pain:
A nice swift kick to the gonads.
... and out there in the darkness..
.... the body lays still.
the lighting is dim.
fog... is rolling slowly across the stage in hues of purple and dark blue
the camera.. zooms in slowly...
the body is contorted...
but as we get closer, there is no doubt that the impecable, flawless, fit, female figure must be Donna....
but, her front teeth are all missing and there is blood spilling from her mouth...
her eyes.. are closed.
there is no movement and an eerie howl is heard off in the distance...
and then...
a slight movement of the finger is noticed... just.. ever so slight..
and the lips begin to move.. quivering at first... then releasing a hush... then a whisper...
and the haunting words echo through the theatre.
"I'll
get
you
gadget...
I
mean..
Avealynnnnnnnn"
and...
then....
nothing..........
ooooooo eeeeeeee oooooooo
Avaelyn is suddenly awakened from her restless sleep, shooting straight up in bed. IBreathing raggedly as though she had just run a marathon, sweat is rolling down her face into her wide frightened eyes, causing her to blink and clear them before continuing her roving search of the dark room. Eventually, her breaths starts to slow, and she flops back down onto her tear- and sweat-stained pillow, and in a raspy whisper, she utters four small words.
It was a dream, just a dream.
Suddenly, a voice can be heard in the distance. I can only make out one word: Avaelyn.
*runs to the place where the body of Donna and the strewn teeth had lain*
The body is no longer there, only the bloody broken teeth and faint footprints leading into the fog.
1. Heinz.
2. It.
3. Up.
Hm. Only three. I guess those aren't the words.
999999
well ang i'm from Grande Prairie and i read your blog..so maybe that will solve part of your mystery people that read your blog...
God Bless
AShley
heh. yeah i figured that one out when becky told me thats where you live.
thanks!
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