Tuesday, August 22

If I were to become an alcoholic, this is how I would like to do it.....



Although, I would make a few modifications to my system. I would have a larger paddling pool preferable one with a built in back rest and cup holder and snack holder and some kind of way to lay down and tan my back as well....Perhaps enough room for an air mattress. Now, before you all start saying....Why not just get a hot tub. I like simple. A plastic paddling pool is simple. You fill it and dump it. You don't have to treat and measure the water levels.

My plan is to be consuming alcohol in my paddling pool while bossing people around and eating spitz. I have been blessed in my life with a gift. I have an ability to sit outside in blistering sun heat all day without having the after affects of a burn. I burn badly. It looks horrible and people say "You are insane...You are going to be in so much pain". Nope, by the next morning I have a fantastic tan and ready to do it all over again. I can cook supper in it, washing vegetables ready to be thrown on the bbq. When people get sick of me bossing them around and say "why don't you help make supper?" I say "sure bring it all here and I will wash it for you". Perfect. And the great thing is that I wouldn't care that the food was being washed in an plastic paddling pool with my feet in it because I would be drunk. No one cares about anything when they are drunk. Its a good thing I don't own a house with a backyard or I would be well on my way to becoming a raging alcoholic. If I could do this everyday, I would. I need to get married and have kids and become a stay home mom. Then I would write a letter thanking the inventors of paddling pools for adults and pink grapefruit breezers.

"Kids, go make mommy a cocktail and stop talking when I'm watching my shows"

Ahhhhh, what a life.

12 comments:

Lyle said...

You look hot in that pool. I'd love to eat something that was washed in the same water as your feet.

the trav said...

ok... i think lyle is a little creepy... dude has a foot fetish... yuck... i don't care who you are... keep your feet away from my food

Shirley said...

Seriously? Did you seriously wash your veggies in the foot water? Oh Ang, how could you? Oh Becky, how could you let her?!!?! I think I feel a little ill. :)

Becky said...

LOL. You think that's bad... Once we washed the veggies in the paddling pool after Noah and Ben swam in it. (And probably peed in it too.)

Margaret said...

Ang, this is by far the funniest thing I have read today. I am trying to picture you at 75. You would be brown and leathery from many years of tanning, wrinkled by age and by being in water, sitting in a paddling pool with your cooler hollering, "Hey, sonny. Bring me another drink, would ya?" Hilarious!

Melanie said...

I'm all for it. Looks good to me. Besides, whatever is on your feet can't be as bad as the crap they treat all our food with. I've started buying two dollar Boones wine (or rather "blue apple wine product") that doesn't taste a thing like wine but remarkably like coolers, and pouring half a bottle into a plastic cup and going down to my pool. Unless I haven't been out in a long long time (aprox. 2 years) I don't usually burn either. Looks bad for a day, and the next day I'm fine. I layed in 35 degree weather with oil all over me (don't worry SPF 4) for well over two hours, and nothing. Feel great today, gonna do it again. When we go to stay with Peter's family for a couple of weeks, I may well get a little pool.

Toad said...

i PUT ON STRAIGHT TANNING CREAM. NO SPF FOR ME. JUST THE STRONGEST CRAP I CAN BUY AT THE TANNING SALON.

Carol said...

Sitting in a pool drinking coolers sounds great to me. Ang you crack me up.

footsack said...

Oh boy.. I do that now. We turned our hot tub down to a cooler temp so it feels like a pool. Then I get myself a smirnoff ice and RELAX!! Oh the life. (mind you I would rather relax in a pool too, but not a itty bitty one like that. I want to be able to float around on my floaty chair)

RoByNAdRiAn said...

I love this post! i think it is really hilarious!
I love coming to your page to see what your going to say.
you make me laugh:)

Toad said...

Seriously Shirley. I did. Remember the part about being drunk and not caring? Perhaps if you come over for supper you sould partake in a few cocktails. And really, any germs that are on there will be destroyed once cooked on high BBQ heat.

Hey remember in the movie Something about Mary, the old lady? Yeah that's my goal.

John said...

Yea Shirley, there is a real live Kramer in my family. Actually two of them. Becky and Ang *washed* all the vegetables for our family barbeque in the paddling pool, after the pool had been used for a few hours. Eat your heart out Susie homemaker.