Wednesday, August 16

Stealth Mission

Well, not really stealth I suppose when you steal something right in front of someone and they know it. The sweater. I stole Kad Millwork's bunny hug. Its grey, it's worn in and it has a small rip in it, its fantastic and he's never getting it back. On the front it says United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners of America Saskatchewan Local 1985 (right under the 1985 there's a stain...kinda brownish). This morning it was cold and I got to wear it. As I pulled it over my head I laughed my evil laugh and thought to myself "sucker". Now I'm at work and it's warm in here and I'm starting to get very hot and sweaty but I'm so pumped I don't want to take it off. So I'm going to sit here and sweat and drink my warm Tim Ho's single single.

My Inspiration:

Meryn Cadell
» The Sweater

(lyrics are spoken)
I know you will understand this
and feel the intrinsic incredible emotion
You have just pulled over your head the worn,
warm sweater belonging to a boy
Now, you haven't had a passionate kissing session or anything,
but you got to go on a camping trip with him
and eight other people from school
And you practically slept together,
your sleeping bag right next to his
And you woke in the night to watch him as he slept
but you couldn't see anything 'cause it was dark
so you just laid there and listened to his breathing
and wondered if your heart might burst
The sweater has that faintly goat-like smell
which all teenage boys possess,
and that smell will lovingly transfer
to all your other clothes
If you get to keep it for a few days you can sleep with it
but don't let your mom see, 'cause she'll say,
"what is that filthy thing, and who does it belong to
besides the trash man?"
So you have to keep it under the covers with you
You can kind of lie it beside you,
or wrap it around your waist,
or touch it on your legs, or whatever
That's your business
Now if the sweater has, like, reindeer on it
or is a funny color like yellow... I'm sorry,
you can't get away with a sweater like that
Look for brown, or grey, or blue
Anything other than that, and you know you're dealing with
someone who's different
And different is NOT what you're looking for
You're looking for those Alpine ski-chiseled features
and that sort of blank look which passes for deep thought
or at least the notion that someone's home
You're looking for the boy of your dreams
who is the same boy in the dreams of all your friends
Monday, wear the sweater
to school
Be calm, look cute
Don't tell him about the dream you had
about the place the two of you would share
when you get older
Just be yourself
The best, cutest, quietest version of yourself
Definitely wear lip gloss
He looks at you, and then he looks away
And then he walks away
and the smell of the sweater hits you again suddenly
like ape-scent gloriola
and you get a note passed to you
by a girl in History that says
"He needs that sweater back.
He forgot you put it on in the tent on Saturday
and he's been looking for it."
And you don't have to die of humiliation, you know
You are a strong person
and this is a learning experience
You can still hold your head up high as you run from the classroom
tearing the stinking sweater from your body
You've got a secret now, honey,
and though you'd never sink as low as him,
you could blab it all over the school if you wanted
The label in that sweater
said "100% Acrylic"


Becky said...

Kinda sweet in a creepy stalker klepto kinda way.

Lyle said...

I think you spelt klepto wrong.

Becky said...

No I didn't. Klepto. As in kleptomaniac? Look it up.

Who are you anyways.

the trav said...

i'm kinda wondering that too...

Margaret said...

Hey, does our little family stalker have a stalker all her own? Ang, you remind me of a time a guy I had a crush on left his very soft leather gloves in my car. I kept them for a long time and they smelled just like him. Funny, but now I can't even remember his name.... :)

Rach said...

Ahhh....the sweater song. I have so much love for it!

Avaelyn said...

Um... *raises eyebrow* Good for you.

Melanie said...

I had a guy friend forget his sweater at my place once and I wrapped my pillow in it and slept with it. Now I just steal Peter's clothing, and spray things with his cologne when we have to be apart...

footsack said...

I just can't relate even though that song was funny and even made sense (in some weird kind of way)...