Showing posts with label Pied-a-terre. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pied-a-terre. Show all posts

Thursday, November 9

A Magnetic Force Is at Work

Mr. Hankey (to Kyle): One time when you were sleeping, I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture.

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. He loves me, I love you. Therefore, vicariously, he loves you. Even if you're a Jew. Sometimes he's corny. Sometimes he's nutty. He can be brown, or greenish-brown. But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve he might come to your town. Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo...


This is not going to be a South Park blog but it is going to be about my toilet. Mr Hankey just came to mind and made me giggle. Cause he loves me and I love you.

This morning while doing my hair I dropped my hairspray in the toilet. I've been noticing lately how often things have been falling in there and trying to remember to close the lid but I live alone and don't care. Until now. This has to stop. A while ago I dropped a birth control pill and it lander directly at the base of my toilet. I picked it up and stared at it for a while and then threw it out. That was the only incident I can recall until recently. In the course of a month I have dropped....

1. At work I dropped my ONLY unopened tampon into the work toilet. I stood there and stared at it trying to decide if I should try and fish it out or flush it down and risk plugging the whole system. I had a moment play out in my mind of the plumber coming to unplug it and finding and unopened tampon and me turning bright red giving away to everyone that I have my favorite friend visiting me and that I use tampons. I know. No big deal but for some reason people mostly men turn into total immature spazoids when they hear anything that has to do with "that time of the month". So, I flushed it anyways. Because if you have seen my work washroom you wouldn't want to go near the bowl either.

2. My contact case. I bought a matching set one blue and one purple. They were expensive. I fished them out with a spoon and threw out the spoon and the contact case.

3. My Gucci glasses. This was upsetting. I stood over my toilet in shock for a while. Then I pulled it together went and boiled a pot of water and stuck them in. I hope I got any germs off of there. The first time I put them on after I felt like my face was going to melt off.

4. Libby. She likes to jump onto the toilet and then onto the edge of the sink while I brush my teeth and so on. She slipped and her leg went in there and ran away leaving a trail of toilet water behind her with every step she took.

5. The lid to my proactive face toner. That got boiled in the pot too.

All of this in the course of a couple weeks. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of throwing out long plastic spoons that I use to fish things out. Why can't I remember to just simply put the lid down? Why is this happening now? I would like to blame my landlord but I can't think of a way. So the only thing I can think of is the ghost is making things fall in there. Besides the scary dreams of the ghost floating around in my place, we've been living in peace and harmony until now. Now it's time to bring out the big guns. I'll let you know what they are when I think of them.

Tuesday, November 7

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words



This is the garage that I am supposed to be parking my car in. My landlady is a twit and can't seem to get it cleared out. I'm supposed to be able to park in here for the winter. I’m also supposed to have storage space in the garage too but that hasn’t happened. This morning I had to scrape the ice off my car and I silently cursed her the whole time. Although, she is quick to jump on the fact that once since I've moved in she had a cold shower because I accidentally turned the water on, and I left some lint in the dryer trap and once I left a piece of cardboard trash outside my door for over a day. This was brought to my attention after I went up to talk to her about the mess she left in my bathroom after she took my ceiling down and proceeded to puddy a hole that she has been "working" on since I moved in. I also wanted to know what was happening with my place and when things would be done and if it was all going to be cleaned up after she left her mess. She had no answer but she had a few things to cluck about. Today the ceiling is back up with out the trim of course, nothing has been done about the puddy and the sanding and the painting, the garage is still a mess and she has made no attempt to get it done. I also had to clean up the whole entire mess. After a day of silence on Saturday night with my bathroom full of plastic and tools and puddy sanding dust. I realized nothing was going to get done because she wasn’t even home. So I grabbed it all and threw it in the hallway. This stress put an end to the relaxation I felt after I went for my first therapeutic massage. I cursed her some more. I kept saying in my head “Angela, there is no reasoning with stupid people. They will never see the common sense” In case you haven't noticed my landlady is borderline crazy. She seriously came down and knocked on my door one day and accused me of hiding Kad at my house and pretending he wasn't living there for free because we had traded vehicles. She assumed he was living there because I was driving his vehicle. And she wasn’t one of “those” women (she actually lifted her fingers, made quotations and I still don’t get it) who just lets people take advantage of her. I explained to her that this was not the case and that his jeep is in front of my house because he is driving my car. I think she is strange. The garage is supposed to be open for my use. It is stated in my lease but I still can't seem to find the space to park in there. Unless I drive really fast and ram my car into all the crap. She also mentioned she has a mice problem in her garage. I can’t imagine how. There are no little nooks to hide in. In response to her lack of motivation, I plan to run a cord along the middle of the sidewalk out to my car and see if she gets the hint. I know it will annoy her to no end. I hope when she comes to confront me about the cord I can slam in her face that the cord wouldn't be there if I parked in the garage. This is a fine example of my passive aggressive behavior. She also started hammering at 10pm on a Friday night on the wall in the furnace room. I have a shelf in my living room with breakables on it. She actually hammered so hard that it knocked off my candleholders. She heard them crash down and didn’t even knock to see what she had done. If there was some way I could beat her to a pulp without actually being held accountable I might consider it. Or, at least pay someone else to do it for me. I don’t want any offers from Drinkatite. You can let your aggression out somewhere else little man. Now I’m completely paranoid about going up there and asking when the garage is going to be cleaned out for fear that she might accuse me of waking her up in the middle of the night because I flushed the toilet or that my summa borscht that I made last night smells too dilly for her taste. Oh, it is so hard not to run water when she is running water. The temptation to do something annoying is like putting a steak on the counter and leaving Rosco alone for 20 seconds. I have a plan for revenge already bouncing around in my little brain for when I move out. I’m almost positive this is not a “legal” suite. And I’m pretty sure one can have it inspected at anytime and the landlord would have to make proper adjustments to make it legal. If she actually had to do that much reno it would take her 10 years. I don’t want to hear about how mean that would be. I run situations in my head all the time and it makes me feel better. Whenever I have confrontations like this with people I stew and think about things I should have said and things I wish I didn’t say and how the next conversation will go. I definitely regret being so nice to her in the first place and trying to make things all happy and joyous. I wish I would have just slapped the lease in her face and walked away and told her to clean up her mess and didn’t listen to her talk about dryer lint. And I wish I didn’t apologize for the dryer lint. I’m so ashamed of my backbone.



I plan to start knitting for the holiday season. I want to make some mittens and slippers for people. I always start projects but never finish them. It’s really frustrating. But I have all this yarn and haven't done a thing with it. Mostly my motivation stems from the fact that this tub takes up valuable storage space. Space that I wouldn’t worry about if the garage was cleaned out. If I could knit all this yarn I would have more space. As you can see in the background my tree is set up. I went and purchased some presents at Toy's r Us over the weekend for Ben and Noah. I came home all excited on Sunday and decided to get ready. I unpacked the tree and hung some lights. Libby and Shyla just love the tree. Libby loves to sit by it and under it. Shlya loves to eat it. So far I've cleaned up puke that contained saliva and green pieces of tree twice. I also bought a box of mandarin oranges and ate a candy cane from last year that was mixed in with the lights. I still can't decide if that's gross. Who cares? I was happy and I was feelin it. I also turned on some downloaded Christmas music. My favorite song of all time is Carol of the Bells. There are some fantastic versions. I also love to rock out to Boney M and I did listen to Bob and Doug's famous 12 Days of Christmas. Although, I didn't drink a beer and it wasn't in a tree. I intend to download the new Sarah McLachlan Christmas CD. Another tid bit that you should know is that Kad eats mandarin orange peels. It’s really quite gross. He boasted about how every year at Christmas he does a demonstration for people and sticks a whole unpeeled mandarin orange in his mouth and eats it. This made me gag just to think about it. I will never look at an orange peel the same again. Just think, you might be the lucky one to see this display of pure talent. It’s so nice in my living room now. I turn out the lights and sit on the couch, eat some spits, drink some iced tea, watch some crappy show on CBC and look over at my tree with 150 tiny little lights and it makes me happy. Who would think that a 2 dollar tree bought at a Yorkton garage sale could bring one so much joy? Well, it can. Many things from garage sales can bring pain as well. I also bought that day a coaster and serving tray set. I’m not sure why I thought they were so cool at the moment because after I brought them home and left them in my cupboard for a long time they revolted me. These coasters had squished butterflies in them. Real bugs. Who would want to take a piece of cheese bit and a pickle off a serving tray with a squished butterfly underneath a piece of plastic? A bug being separated by less than a cm barrier of cheep plastic from your food. I also bought a fantastic wine rack that was a pretty shade of purple. I bought a can of brown spray paint and it looks awesome now. If you think I am rambling on and on and this post is getting really boring, you are correct. I am trying to think of a thousand words to go with this picture and I feel like giving up. In fact, I almost gave up after the first picture was complete and I wrote a thousand words. You can go back and count if you want but your effort will be pointless. I have persevered and I’m now at 636 words. Now 639. I had this big idea at work today and thought it would be really easy. It’s not. I have nothing more to write and definitely nothing more to add to this picture. So, there you go. The statement isn’t true after all. Sometimes a picture doesn’t speak a thousand words. Sometimes it only speaks 694.

Tuesday, September 26

Help

My house is a mess. I haven't done dishes in three days and I can't stop watching Grey's Anatomy Season 1 and 2. I don't really need to do dishes because almost everything I have been eating is junk food. It's mostly just popcorn bowls and spitz bowls. I also have lowered myself into drinking iced tea at home again. Please, send someone.

I also think my suite is haunted.

No big deal compared to how horrible my stomach feels right at this moment.


Thursday, August 3

Bummed Out

I just bought a bag of salt and vinegar chips and they aren't salty or vinegary at all. So frustrating. I wish I could take them back. "I'm sorry I seemed to have received REGULAR chips instead". I'll still eat them though. Can't let it go to waste also it is helping with being bored at work.

I'm pretty much completely moved into the new place. Only about 3 boxes left to unpack and I have pictures to hang that will get done tonight. It's so nice to be all moved in and not be able to enjoy it because I have to live at mom and dad's with that smelly stupid dog the whole time. Can't go anywhere just to work and straight home to let the stupid dog pee. Fantastic.

Downside to the new place: in my old place the bedroom and bathroom were kinda more separate from the rest of the house. More in the back out of site from public windows. In the new place it is much more central and the windows are much bigger. Me, being a lover of sunlight leave them open most of the time. But, I'm so used to walking around naked I forget now. I need to get better at this. Here is a map of the new pad.

I was going to do one of the old place to compare but I've lost motivation now. Only one more hour of work to kill I suppose I could do it. But I don't feel like it.

Monday, July 10

Lunch Break

Tomato soup and macaroni again! yess. *pumps fist

UFC was highly disappointing this weekend. I am in love with Ortiz. "When you fight Tito Ortiz....You lose" I love it. So, some people may say that they have seen Shamrock take a beating before and recover. But seriously I think that he would have never been able to recover. Those elbows would have kept coming, so I think it was right to call the fight. Poor guy, he has been hit way too many times in the head. I really hope they don't schedule a rematch. I'm not sure what would be more embarrassing than this is already. I wanna see Liddel and Ortiz go at it again. That first fight was the bloodiest match I've ever seen. I almost had to stop watching it was that bloody. And that's shocking cause generally I have no problem with blood. Geeeeeerrrrrrroooooooooooooooooos!

I got a lot of packing done. I threw out about 4 bags of garbage so far. Bad thing about me packing is I get sick of it and find throwing things out much easier than packing it. I couldn't lift one of the bags it was so heavy. I had to get Kad Milwork to do it for me.

The nose ring is healing just fine. I snag it every now and then on my face cloth and that hurts like a bugger. My dad loves it....He's just pretending not to like it. Right?

I got rid of my Max today. I hardly watch TV and I'm sick of paying retarded prices just for the two channels that I like to watch. Now I'm back to 3 channels. Sigh. I guess I will have no excuse to avoid running.

I skipped the long run this weekend and now it lays ahead of me tonight on a frickin Monday night. And Monday's suck enough on their own....So now lets add a good 19k run on there. Ooooooooo fantastic...Maybe I should lay on the ground and lick along the edge of my toilet too. Make my day even better than it already is.

Excuse my while I go barf up the unthinkable amount of tomato soup and macaroni that I just ate.

Tuesday, July 4

things that amaze me and other news

i have this thing lately that i am totally amazed at how much food i can cram into my body. so lately to get my point across i have started holding up my food to my stomach area to see how much there is in comparison to the size of my body. for example:
the baked spagetti at alberto's...that place on idylwyld that prides themselves on the world largest portions. actually sitting in my booth holding it up. it was so huge. and i ate it all. and my garlic toast.
the amount of food me and jo crammed in on sunday afternoon would have been fine if we had exerted even a little bit of energy but since or canoe trip down the river didn't happen we just layed there in her back yard and ate all afternoon. it was full out gross, hands down.
today i got a pita from the pita pit. holy smokes!!!!! they are huge. seriously i don't know how this is all going to fit in here but i'm going to try. what an accomplishment.

i'm trying to move. i found a nice place that's not on the west side but in a nice area. and i want it really bad. sometimes i just casually look in the paper for things that sound nice. so i went and looked and its amazing and for the same price....problem is that i never put in my notice to move. so i tried to put it in last night (2 days late) but my land lady wasn't home and she hasn't returned my calls which makes me paranoid that perhaps they are out of town and yadda yadda. regardless i'm going to go put 50 bucks deposit on this new place cause its well worth it. it has a tub!!!!! and new washer and dryer and a garage i can park in and laminate floor and wonderfull windows that actually have screens. its only one block from the river so i don't have to drive there anymore to go running. its only 5 blocks from kad millworks.

farts make me laugh. they will never stop making me laugh. when someone farts that you don't expect to ever fart infront of you and then says "you can't hold what's not in your hand" it makes me laugh uncontrolably. i will never grow out it this. its the best. my abbs are stiff today from laughing so hard. i think i actually injured myself. this also reminds me of my dad...which is very scary.

my sister is the best too for making me this new blog. i love it. its chakans foor shoore. maybey even peecawks. oh butt. hats off to you becky.