A Magnetic Force Is at Work
Mr. Hankey (to Kyle): One time when you were sleeping, I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture.
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. He loves me, I love you. Therefore, vicariously, he loves you. Even if you're a Jew. Sometimes he's corny. Sometimes he's nutty. He can be brown, or greenish-brown. But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve he might come to your town. Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo...
This is not going to be a South Park blog but it is going to be about my toilet. Mr Hankey just came to mind and made me giggle. Cause he loves me and I love you.
This morning while doing my hair I dropped my hairspray in the toilet. I've been noticing lately how often things have been falling in there and trying to remember to close the lid but I live alone and don't care. Until now. This has to stop. A while ago I dropped a birth control pill and it lander directly at the base of my toilet. I picked it up and stared at it for a while and then threw it out. That was the only incident I can recall until recently. In the course of a month I have dropped....
1. At work I dropped my ONLY unopened tampon into the work toilet. I stood there and stared at it trying to decide if I should try and fish it out or flush it down and risk plugging the whole system. I had a moment play out in my mind of the plumber coming to unplug it and finding and unopened tampon and me turning bright red giving away to everyone that I have my favorite friend visiting me and that I use tampons. I know. No big deal but for some reason people mostly men turn into total immature spazoids when they hear anything that has to do with "that time of the month". So, I flushed it anyways. Because if you have seen my work washroom you wouldn't want to go near the bowl either.
2. My contact case. I bought a matching set one blue and one purple. They were expensive. I fished them out with a spoon and threw out the spoon and the contact case.
3. My Gucci glasses. This was upsetting. I stood over my toilet in shock for a while. Then I pulled it together went and boiled a pot of water and stuck them in. I hope I got any germs off of there. The first time I put them on after I felt like my face was going to melt off.
4. Libby. She likes to jump onto the toilet and then onto the edge of the sink while I brush my teeth and so on. She slipped and her leg went in there and ran away leaving a trail of toilet water behind her with every step she took.
5. The lid to my proactive face toner. That got boiled in the pot too.
All of this in the course of a couple weeks. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of throwing out long plastic spoons that I use to fish things out. Why can't I remember to just simply put the lid down? Why is this happening now? I would like to blame my landlord but I can't think of a way. So the only thing I can think of is the ghost is making things fall in there. Besides the scary dreams of the ghost floating around in my place, we've been living in peace and harmony until now. Now it's time to bring out the big guns. I'll let you know what they are when I think of them.
15 comments:
I would like to add that in every incident the toilet was void of any human fluids and solids. I remember to flush I just don't remember to close the lid.
hehehe
next time you drop a proactiv lid or container just throw it out. i've got tons of empty containers and lids. i save them for noah to play with in the bathtub.
This summer a friend of mine dropped his sun glasses into the hole in an outhouse. A particularily stinky outhouse. He wanted us to help him fish them out. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he'd want pee covered glasses. Even if they did cost 200 bucks.
He eventually got them out on his own with a stick, but I wouldn't let him go home in my car with his stinky glasses.
camping at the lake i decided to take a nap and gave my boyfriend my watch so he could wake me up in an hour. he stuck it in his pocket and i told him not to loose it and to wear it on his wrist. he went to the bathroom and it fell out if his pocket into the outhouse toilet. i had no desire to get it. i don't understand who would. i'm glad you didn't let him in your car.
First up..
good to see you didn't end it all with the toaster. Happy you're back.
Secondly,
I once stepped in a toilet at a university party trying to escape the guys trying to spray me down with the shower. (Long story)
My foot has never quite been the same.
There is something different about that toilet water.
scaaaaaaaary.
I've learned to keep the lid down because Chloe likes to splash in water and the toilet bowl is just the right level for her. I also keep the door shut as she has developed an affinity for the toilet brush.
lol eeeeeeeeeeew. next time i see chloe i will make sure to ask her what she's been up to before i give her a kiss.
I have no toilet stories. I just wanted to post a comment.
lol beck... you make me laugh... ha. ha. ha.
A few years ago during about with the flu I forgot to take out my very loose fitting dentures when I puked. I was feeling so terrible that I didn't notice that my teeth were gone until after I flushed. They got stuck in the trap, Marv had to remove the whole toilet to get them out. Boiling water and lots of bleach and I had my smile back. I know, GROSS!!! but new dentures are about $800.00. I have since got new ones.
Auntie Sue you take the cake for horrible toilet story. You know what you get? A big star. Just like Becky's blog. Here you go.
*
Unless someone of course comes on with a better one. Then I will have to shamefully dethrone you in some kind of humiliating fashion. The paperazi will be there to capture it all and put it on Etalk daily.
This will not top losing teeth down the toilet, but we have had a few occasions where the kids sent stuff down the toilet. This lead to our toilet being taken apart on more than one occasion. Firstly a brush was sent down, and then Carrie's watch.
And I will smile at them with my new teeth.
Holy crap, I'm lauging so hard right now. I wouldn't even dream of trying to dethrone auntie Sue. Hillarious.
Robyn flushed about 28 soothers down the toilet in a short span of about a year. She loved to watch the water swirl and things go down. Of course I never did fetch them out so Sue, you win.
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