Anxiety Apprehension Cold Feet Consternation Dismay Distress Dread Fear Fright Horror Nervousness Panic Trepidation Unease Stress Tension

"Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained."

Arthur Somers Roche


I have reached a new peak in my imagination. I actually thought today that what if the Vet just pretends to do the surgery. Makes a cut, stitches it back up and doesn't actually fix it. The suture they use he described as being like really strong fishing line. How strong is fishing line? It seems so flimsy. I was then told "Angela, don't be silly. Have you ever tried to break fishing line?" Then I tried to picture some giant fish getting hooked and towed in and tried to tell myself "Yeah that's pretty strong". Its not working. Why can't they use cement or something. Oh wait, cement cracks. Just something so strong that no matter what you used you couldn't cut it or snap it.

I have had a nervous pit in my stomach for 4 straight days and it's getting worse. I'm not sure if it's the dread of having to give her medicine 3 times a day or if it's actual concern for my cat. It does get worse right before the regular scheduled dose occurs. Yesterday morning, after our huge battle that resulted in two nice fang marks in between my thumb I gave up and sat and cried. Full out sobs shaking my whole body hugging her and begging her to please just let me give her the medicine. Her response at that point was....Foam....and then more foam combined with a loud lip smacking noise. Then I sat her down and she hissed at me.



She doesn't want to come out of her crate. I'm sure it's because she knows if she comes out she will get medicine. I open the door and she just lays there and stares at me and meows. The other thing is how healthy is it to sit in a dark crate all day and all night? I have to cover the front with a blanket or else she digs and pushes on the door. So, she is in darkness all day and all night. This reminds me of that movie where that guy is in solitary at Alcatraz for 3 years. I wonder how long it took him to go crazy? I sure hope it wasn't a month. I want to try and set something up so I can put her small crate up on something by a window so she can look outside. My cat's whole life revolves around looking out a window. This in itself is sad. Now I have taken away her one past time.

Libby is still holding her grudge. This morning I had Shyla laying on her blanket on the floor of my bedroom. I must not have shut the door all the way. Next thing I hear is Libby spazzing out growling. I came around the corner and she was standing over top of Shyla pounding the top of her head with her paw as fast as she could. Shyla just layed there with her eyes closed. She is also sleeping on the very top of the condo. She always had to sleep on the second level because Shyla always had the top.

I also have to think about how I am going to build ramps up to everything that I think she will try and jump up and down on. I know I need one to the cat condo, to the window and onto my bed.

My only peace of mind is that Kad comes now to help me give her medicine. I wrap her tightly in a towel, put her in a head lock with one arm and squeeze open her mouth with my other hand. Kad holds the medicine dropper and shoots it into the back of her throat. We've had 3 successful doses so far only resulting in one fang puncture. I still cried yesterday after, but not for as long.

She also must not have been able to get a good position in the litter box this morning because she came out with clumps stuck to the bottom of her foot and down the back of her legs. She's frickin furry and also scared of water. Now, not only does she stink bad, have foam fur, medicine fur, she also has piss and litter all over her.



So, I worry that its not going to get better. I worry that she will regress back into being that scared cat again. I worry that she is in pain. I worry about her being in that crate for 3 weeks. I worry about Shyla and Satan being friends again. It just doesn't stop. I wish this feeling in my stomach would just go away but it won't.

I am definitely not feeling assurance, calm, composure, nonchalance or temerity.